Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we should paint friendship bongs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
