dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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