Will you blow on my dice?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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