someone threw a dead crab at me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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