Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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