my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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