mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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