My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
