Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As shirtless as possible
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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