i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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