Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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