70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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