So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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