absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
