I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
