I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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