And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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