Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
