Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
