tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
