sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You smell like stripper and shame
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
