just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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