True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
