As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
