The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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