I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
