Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
