If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
