Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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