Fine. I'll sleep in my office
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
