Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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