Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
