My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
