oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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