Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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