and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
did i just pee glitter
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
