In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
