I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
