You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
