you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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