you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
