I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
