Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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