this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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