There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
