He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
