I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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