Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
