Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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