tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
