I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
