yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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