I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
