I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
bring money and cleavage
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
