I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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