Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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