Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize