we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
