Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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